Everything You Want
by Linkin41
Summary: "Where do I start?" "You can start from the beginning, it's always good to start from the beginning."
1. Chapter 1

_To everyone who has reviewed or added me on alerts: You guys are awesome people! I love you guys so much that I made another three shot fic. This one was loosely inspired by Vertical Horizon's Everything You Want, which is why my fic is named after it. Anyway, I hope you enjoy._

_I do not own Community or it's characters. If I did, I wouldn't have pulled them from the mid-season schedule._

* * *

><p>Dr. Cartwright leaned forward in her chair, resting her chin in her hand and looking over her glasses.<p>

"Jeffrey."

"Katherine."

She sighed, "What have I told you about using my first name?"

"Well, I talk to you so much that I thought we were finally on a first name basis by now," Jeff replied, leaning back in his chair.

"I'm your therapist, not your friend," Dr. Cartwright said sternly.

"I'm aware of that," Jeff said.

They sat in silence for a moment, Dr. Cartwright looking over her notes.

"So, did you try what I suggested," She asked, her eyes flicking up to him again.

He nodded, "I spent last weekend doing it."

"Would you like to tell me how that went?"

He took a deep breath, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his thighs, "Where do I start?"

"You can start from the beginning," Dr. Cartwright suggested, "it's always good to start from the beginning."

He shrugged, _Touché._

"Fine, I'll start from the beginning."

* * *

><p>He didn't go to school that Friday. Well, at least he didn't go to Greendale on Friday. At 10 AM that morning, he pulled his Lexus to the curb of a long since closed elementary school. It closed ten years ago when a newer school was built a mile down the road, but Shadow Meadow Elementary was where it all started going down hill for him.<p>

Well, not entirely. Grades K-3 weren't bad at all, it was when he entered fourth grade that things started to change.

He took a deep breath and finally got out of his car, finding a low fence and hopping over it. Memories started swirling in his mind as he wandered about the empty playgrounds and basketball courts. It was after a month of starting fourth grade that his father's behavior suddenly changed. He started becoming more and more distant, deciding that a cold beer or eight was more important than helping his nine-year-old son with a science project. Jeff remembered how he shrugged it off at first, thinking maybe he was just in a bad mood, but the bad mood never went away.

The bad mood was still there when his father took him to the zoo a week later. Everything seemed fine at first, until they went to see the giraffes. One moment, he was admiring how long their necks were. The next, he realized he was alone. He spent two hours running around the zoo, calling for his dad before security picked him up and took him to their office. An hour after that, security finally placed a call to his mother to come and pick him up. Nothing was ever the same after that.

Jeff took a seat on the swingset, absentmindedly swinging back and forth as he stared the jungle gym across from him. As if things weren't already bad enough at home, things got even worse at school. It was as if the other kids knew that he was vulnerable at the time and zeroed in on him. They teased him, called him names, stole his lunch on several occasions and if he tried to tell a teacher what was going on, the bullying would only increase. On one occasion, he got shoved face first into the sand by two notorious bullies, Jamie and Thomas.

"_Eat dirt, Winger," Jamie had said, Thomas cackling beside him. _

"_Yeah, because that's what you are! Dirt!"_

Jeff suddenly stood up from the swingset, anger rushing through his veins.

"WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS," He shouted to the sky, "WHAT HORRIBLE THING DID I DO? HUH? IT MUST HAVE BEEN SOMETHING BAD OR WHY ELSE WOULD I BULLIED AND ABUSED AT THE AGE OF NINE! NINE! I WAS ONLY A CHILD!"

He let out a frustrated scream, only to have silence echoed back at him. He rested his hands on his knees, catching his breath. Did he really expect someone to answer back? Why would someone give him answers? He felt stupid for even trying.

He couldn't stand being there for much longer. He walked back to the front of the school, hopped the fence, and drove back to his apartment.


	2. Chapter 2

_I still do not own Community or the song it was loosely based on._

* * *

><p>"<em>Hey you jag! Why aren't you here? Are you pretending to be sick again? Because we're not falling for it this time. Get your stupid, hipster ass over here right now!"<em>

"_Hello Jeffrey, I didn't see you in class today. Are you ditching school? I know you wouldn't ditch school for no reason at all and I hope you have a good reason not to be in class. If you're not ditching, I guess I'll see you later!"_

"_Where the hell are you? It's lunch time and you haven't shown up yet! The others are starting to get worried, but I'm not. I'm sure you're getting drunk somewhere right now and having fun without me. Typical."_

"_Hey Jeff. The group told me I should call you and see if you answer. Well, you didn't and I'm not sure what to tell them. We're getting really worried about you. You should call someone back."_

"_Heeeeey Jeff. Um, I'm calling you in the hope that you're not dead. If you're not dead, please let someone know. If you are though...can I have your car?"_

"_Jeff, if we don't receive a response from you by tomorrow morning, then we're coming over and busting down your door. This is getting ridiculous. Can't you at least send a text message? A letter? A pigeon? A message in a bottle? Something to let us know that you're still alive? Please say something!"_

Jeff listened to all six of his voicemails and read the dozens of texts from the group he received when he woke up the next morning. He had his phone off that entire day yesterday, electing not to tell the group what was going on. It was difficult to explain what he was doing, let alone telling them he was going to therapy. He loved the study group, but sometimes they did more harm than good. He felt that this would be one of those times where they might hinder him instead of help him and he couldn't have that happen. As much as he dreaded doing this, he knew he had to do it. It was part of the process.

He wondered if Annie would make good on her promise to bust the door down. A knock a few minutes later answered his question. Jeff stayed quiet, hoping that if he didn't make any noise, she would just assume he wasn't home.

"Jeff! I know you're in there. I saw your car parked outside."

_Damn it._

"It's just me out here. Abed figured you wouldn't open the door if we were all here, so we drew straws. I got the short one."

Annie paused for a moment.

"I didn't mean that in a bad way! I mean...I was the one chosen to come over here and coax you out."

Jeff sighed, he figured she wouldn't leave until she got some sort of answer from him. He got to his feet and opened the door.

"Can I come in," Annie asked, looking up at him.

He shuffled to the side, gesturing for her to come in. He shut the door once she was inside, locking it again. The two of them sat on the couch, not saying a word to each other.

"So you're not sick," Annie finally broke the silence.

"Nope."

"You don't hate us, do you?"

"Of course not."

"Then why weren't you at school yesterday?"

He kept his eyes on the ground, "I'd rather not say."

"You wouldn't have shown up without a reason or some fake excuse."

"I never said I didn't have a reason or excuse, I said I'd rather not say."

Annie observed him, noting how closed up his body language seemed. He took up the farthest corner of the couch, his arms were crossed, and his legs were leaning away from her. Something was up.

"What's wrong?"

"There's nothing wrong."

"Yes there is. I can tell."

"No you can't."

"You're sitting very far away from me right now and you're not even looking at me. There is something wrong."

Jeff didn't respond, choosing not to take this conversation further.

Annie sighed, "I might as well tell the group you're at least alive."

After sending out a mass text to the group saying Jeff was okay, she stayed on his couch a few minutes longer before standing.

"You obviously don't want me or anyone else here," She said, "what's the point?"

She was almost to the door when he suddenly spoke up.

"Why?"

Annie turned, giving him a confused look, "Why what?"

"Why do you guys care about me?"

She took a seat on the couch once more, body turned to him, "Because we're your friends. That's what friends do."

"I get that, but…"

Jeff's eyes finally went to hers, "I haven't been the greatest friend to any of you. None of you have any reason to even be around me. So, why do you continue to even be concerned about my well-being?"

Annie took a moment to think, "Well, it's true that at first you were only being selfish and using us for your own gain whenever you could. Sometimes you're still a jerk."

Jeff cast his eyes away once more.

"But," She continued, "you've shown that you're not really a bad guy. Like when you defended Abed against that bully two years ago. Or when you decided to play Dungeons and Dragons with Neil to stop him from…"

She trailed off, not wanting to say the words out loud.

"Or when you helped me with Model U.N. to defeat Annie Kim. What I'm saying is that you genuinely started to care about us and other people. In turn, we started caring about you and your well-being. We don't want anything horrible happening to you, we only want the best for you."

"You want the best for me?"

"Of course."

Jeff let out a deep breath, turning to face Annie, "You want to know why I wasn't at school yesterday?"

She nodded. He took a moment to compose himself before spilling every detail. The therapy sessions, his "assignment," what happened the day before. Annie sat there, taking in everything he said, not even saying a word even after he was finished. Instead, she wrapped him up in a hug.

"I won't say a word to the others," Annie whispered in his ear, "but...I want to go with you tomorrow and Monday."

"I don't know…"

"Please. You don't have to do this alone."

Jeff pulled back, looking into her eyes for a moment.

"Okay."

* * *

><p>"<em>Annie explained to us that you did have the flu. I'm so, so sorry for calling you a jag. And stupid. And a hipster. And an ass. You know what, I'm sorry I was so mean in that voicemail yesterday. I hope you get well soon."<em>

"_I heard you have the flu! I'm so sorry to hear that. I told Annie I would send some soup with her, but it sounds like she has it covered. Get well soon and hopefully I'll see you on Monday!"_

"_So you really were sick yesterday? If you are sick with the flu, then I hope you're resting and taking your medicine. If you're not, you know they make pills for STDs right?"_

"_Hey Jeff, I gave Annie a list of movies for a sick day. So you'll at least be entertained while you suffer through the flu. Get well soon."_

"_So, you're not dead, you're just sick. I'm sorry man. Can I still have your car if you die though?"_

"_As soon as I'm done with my household chores, I'll take the bus over to your place. I should be there around mid-morning. Don't leave without me!"_

"The flu? That was the best you could come up with," Jeff asked as he opened the door for Annie.

It was 10:30 in the morning when she made it over to his apartment, ready to go along on this journey with Jeff.

"It was the only thing that worked," Annie said, stepping inside and setting her bag on the floor, "besides, they won't come snooping around here if I say you're sick."

"Good point."

"So, are you ready?"

Jeff looked down, "Yes and no. Yes, physically I'm ready, but mentally and emotionally…"

Annie took his hand, "I'm right here."

Jeff gave her a look.

"You know what I mean."

He nodded, "Let's go. Since you convinced me not to go anywhere yesterday and decided movies were better, we have two places to go today."

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

A short drive into town later, they found themselves in front of the courthouse. They silently went up the steps, only to take a seat at the top step.

"What happened here," Annie asked, looking over to him.

Jeff leaned back on palms, "This is where my parents finally got divorced. My father tried to get the house and the money. He got some money, but my mother kept the house."

"What about you? Wasn't there a custody case?"

"...He didn't want me. He never wanted me."

Jeff remembered the looks of sympathy he got from the divorce lawyer his mother had hired. He also remembered how much he hated it. He didn't want sympathy or pity for his situation, he just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. He wanted to get away from the cold, hard glares he was receiving from his father from across the room. Almost like he was placing the blame on teenaged Jeff.

"I'm sorry."

He nearly forgot that Annie was there. He gave her a confused look.

"Why are you saying sorry?"

"Because I had no idea what you've been through. And I'm sorry that this happened to you. You deserved so much better."

He sighed, unsure how to respond.

His eyes traveled back down to his Lexus. That was another thing he remembered.

It was two hours later when the divorce was finalized. Jeff was visibly relieved when he stepped out of the courthouse, finally free from both the glares and the looks of sympathy. Then he saw his mother's lawyer exit. Designer suit, designer sunglasses, and a key to his fancy sports car in hand. That's when he realized that there was only one winner in this divorce and it was the guy driving away in the sports car. He never had to deal with the consequences, the changes. Hell, he never had to see or think about any of them ever again. The case was closed. Jeff felt a strange sense of envy and admiration as he watched the car speed off.

He wanted that life and he was going to get it any way he could. This was what he decided as he descended the steps of the courthouse, avoiding the final glare his father had given him as he went by.

Jeff looked over to Annie, "Are you okay?"

"You're asking me?"

He gave her a half smile. It was sort of funny that he was asking her that question.

"If you really want to know, I'm worried about how you're feeling right now," She answered.

How was he feeling? Honestly, he couldn't decipher his feelings at the moment.

He gave her a shrug, maybe it was time to move on. He pushed himself onto his feet, extending a hand to Annie.

"I think I spent enough time here," Jeff said as he pulled her to her feet, "and as much as I'm dreading the last location, I have to go."

"You're still not going to tell me?"

"Take a look in the backseat."


	3. Chapter 3

_Hypnotoad76 and SpanishEyes5: __You guys are too kind. Really. Thanks for reviewing. :D_

_Fair warning. It's gets a little dark in this part. I don't own Community, it's characters, or the song I loosely based it on. #SaveCommunity!_

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><p>Annie stared at the real estate listing in her hands. It was a quaint, brick front home. Three bedroom, two bath. Listed at around $340,000.<p>

"A house for sale," Annie asked Jeff.

"Yep," Jeff replied, keeping his eyes on the road.

"Are you going to buy it?"

"Nope."

She furrowed her brows, looking back at the listing.

"This was your childhood home, wasn't it?"

"Yep."

Annie looked back at him, "You don't have to do this."

"I have to."

"No, you don't!"

"Annie!"

She jumped, startled from the tone of his voice.

He stopped at the traffic light, taking a deep breath, "I'm sorry. Yes, I have to. I already called the agent and set up an appointment."

They lapsed into silence once more when the light changed to green. Annie didn't like the idea of Jeff going back to a place that caused him so much pain, but she knew she couldn't stop him. This was part of the process.

"Why did you open up to me so easily?"

Jeff glanced at her, "What?"

"You could have said nothing and made me go home. Why did you spill everything to me?"

"Because I-"

He stopped himself, Annie's eyes looking at him suspiciously.

"Because out of everyone in the group, you're the most level headed," Jeff replied, "I feel like I can confide in you about anything. You're a good friend. Actually, you're one of my best friends. That's why."

She felt as though he wasn't saying the entire truth, but decided not to push it. Instead, she gave him a smile.

A few minutes later, he pulled into the driveway of the house, right next to a silver car. He assumed the agent was already waiting for him inside. When he stepped out of the car, he took a moment to look at the exterior. From the outside, the house looked perfectly normal. He knew that the inside, however, was a different story.

"You can wait out here if you want," Jeff said as Annie stood beside him.

He suddenly wished that Annie wasn't there. He couldn't expose her to what was waiting for him through the front door, it would be too much.

She shook her head, "I'm going in with you."

Of course she would.

"Fine, but don't say that I didn't give you the option to not go inside."

A young woman smiled warmly as Jeff and Annie entered.

"I take it you're the one who called," She said, looking up to Jeff, "and is this your girlfriend?"

Both of them tensed up.

"Actually, we're just friends," Annie responded.

"Oh, I'm sorry for assuming," She said apologetically before turning to Jeff, "so, this is where you were raised?"

Jeff nodded.

"And are you sure you don't want to buy it?"

"Very sure," Jeff answered.

"Well, since you already know the house, I'll just let you two go ahead and have a look around. I have some calls to make."

Annie and Jeff gave the woman a short nod as she exited, phone already to her ear.

Jeff only took a few steps forward before his eyes fell to the left wall. He ran his hand over the long scratch marks.

"What are those-"

He took off toward the kitchen, not letting Annie finish her question. He stopped at entrance, his mind flashing back to what he witnessed all those years ago. It was that very spot when his nearly eleven year old self witnessed his father's wrath.

He was sleeping soundly in his bed, dreaming of rocket ships and aliens, when he started hearing noises that he assumed were coming from the living room. Little Jeff slipped out of his bed and quietly snuck down the hallway to investigate. No one was in the living room, but he had started to hear the shouting from the kitchen. When he realized those voices were his parents, he ran to the kitchen, abruptly stopping when he heard something break. He watched as his dad raised his fist to his mother, only to land the punch on the counter top when she dodged. He swore, his other hand forming a fist and finding the target this time. As his mother curled up on the floor, holding her face, she spotted Jeff and gasped. His father turned and marched toward him. Jeff's eyes were filled with fear as he tried to run away, only to be scooped up roughly into his father's arms. He clawed at the wall, trying to get away, but he just couldn't.

"Jeff?"

Annie's voice broke through his flashback, bringing him back to reality.

She took his hand, "Jeff, you're shaking…"

He looked down at his hands, finding that they were trembling.

"I think we should leave," Annie suggested.

"No," Jeff said quietly, "...he threw me."

"What?"

"I saw him hit my mom and then he picked me up and he threw me back into bed. I remember bouncing off the wall before I hit my bed."

Annie's eyes suddenly widened, filled with concern. Jeff finally turned and went down the hallway, leading Annie and pointing out different marks on the wall.

"This happened when there wasn't any more beer left in the house," Jeff pointed to a chip in the wall before pointing out a scrape above it, "and that was when I came home two minutes late."

Annie's face had gone from concerned to horrified the more that Jeff pointed out marks on the walls. Eventually, they arrived at his old bedroom at the end of the hall. He pushed the door open and pointed to the back wall, which was dented.

"I was thrown there. Luckily my bed was right underneath me."

Annie noticed a hole in the wall between the door frame and a bolted on shelf. She was almost afraid to ask, but he had explained every other mark to her except that one.

"What happened there?"

Jeff followed her eyes to the hole, still able to see a dark stain on the edge of the shelf where his head hit. He let go of her hand, going to the middle of the empty room and taking a seat on the floor. Annie followed suit, glancing between Jeff and the hole.

"That was from the last time I saw my dad," Jeff started, "I was sixteen and my parents had been divorced for a year. For some reason, he thought he had left something here and decided to swing by and get it. Unfortunately for me, I had just gotten home from school."

Jeff remembered vividly what had happened next.

_Jeff was sitting on his bed, deciding whether or not doing his geometry homework was worth it when his door was nearly knocked off its hinges. _

"_WHERE THE FUCK IS IT?"_

_He was stunned at first, unable to respond. _

"_I'LL SAY IT AGAIN. WHERE. THE FUCK. IS IT?"_

_Jeff swallowed, "I don't know-"_

_In one swift movement, his father had crossed the threshold and picked up Jeff by his shirt collar._

"_Don't play dumb with me. Where is it," His father said in a low and dangerous tone._

"_I have no idea-"_

_He was cut off again when his father shoved him against the wall, his head catching on the shelf. _

"_Yes you do. Yes you do!"_

"_No I don't-"_

_He hit the wall again._

"_YES YOU DO!"_

"_NO I DON'T! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE-"_

_Jeff was repeatedly being beat against the wall, the back of his neck becoming wet with blood from the many times his head met with the corner of the shelf._

"_DON'T PLAY DUMB WITH ME!"_

"_I'M NOT! LET ME GO!"_

_He finally kneed his father in the stomach, being dropped to the floor when it took his father by surprise._

"_I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR! I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS, NOW LEAVE!"_

_They glared at each other for a few moments before his father decided to get up and leave._

"That was the first and last time I defended myself from him," Jeff finished, still not meeting Annie's eyes.

He ran his hand through his hair, stopping when he found the spot on the back of his head.

"I still have that scar."

He took Annie's hand, guiding her to that spot. She choked back her tears as she ran her fingers along the raised scar. When she pulled her hand away, she moved closer to him and enveloped him in a hug. Jeff buried his face onto her shoulder. A few moments later, Annie felt her cardigan becoming wet.

"I'll take you home," Annie whispered, "I'll get you out of this horrible place."

"Thank you," He said, muffled into her shoulder.

She got him to his feet, still keeping him close as she led him out of the house. The agent was still outside, chatting on the phone when Annie and Jeff rushed past her.

"Is everything alright," She asked.

"It will be once we leave," Annie replied back, getting Jeff in the car.

Annie jumped into the driver's seat, reversing out of the driveway as fast as she could and taking off down the street. When she figured they were far enough away, she pulled off to the side of the road.

"I need to collect myself before I go out on the main road," Annie started explaining to Jeff, "driving while I'm like this isn't safe."

Jeff nodded, still wiping his face.

"Stay."

Annie gave him a curious look.

"I don't want to be alone. Not tonight."

"I didn't plan on leaving you alone tonight," Annie said, "that bag in your apartment is my overnight bag. I figured I'd stay over if…"

"Something like this happened?"

Annie nodded.

Jeff's eyes met hers, "I'm glad you came with me today."

She gave him a small smile, "Let's get you home."

* * *

><p>Jeff finished telling his story, giving Dr. Cartwright an expectant look.<p>

"Well, you did do as I suggested," Dr. Cartwright said, glancing down at her notes, "but you still need to do the final part."

"I'm getting there," Jeff said, "I just need a breather for a moment."

Dr. Cartwright walked over to the water cooler on the other side of her office, getting a small cup of water and handing it to Jeff.

"Thanks."

He gulped it down in one go and crushed the tiny paper cup in his hands.

"Going back through my childhood opened my eyes to why I became the person I am now," Jeff began, "why I'm closed off about some things and why I act the way I do sometimes. It makes sense. At the same time though, even with all of these discoveries, there's no way I can become the person I want to be. Yet. I still have a lot of issues to work out and lessons to learn. One lesson I managed to learn from this was that sometimes you can't go it alone. Sometimes, you need a friend to lean on when you can't support yourself. I have found that friend and I'm confident that she will always be there for me no matter what happens. That last bit may not be part of what I was supposed to do, but it's the only thing I really got out of this experience and it will help me through out the rest of my therapy."

Dr. Cartwright looked at him for a moment, "It wasn't part of it at all, but you finally confiding in one of your closest friends about your life is a good step in the right direction. I'm going to say that you did a wonderful job with this."

She glanced down at her watch.

"Your time is up," Dr. Cartwright said, finishing up her last note, "I think this was one of our better sessions. See you on Wednesday, Jeff."

Jeff smiled to her, standing up and going out to the lobby where Annie was waiting.

"Ready to go," Annie asked, hopping up from the chair.

"Yeah," Jeff replied, "and we should get going, we're going to be late for Abed's Batman marathon."

"I thought we were only watching the current ones," Annie asked, walking beside Jeff as they exited the building.

"Apparently we're watching all the Batman movies, including _Batman__and__Robin_ and _Batman__Forever_."

"Didn't George Clooney star in one of those?"

"Yep," Jeff replied, the two of them getting in his car, "and his bat-suit had nipples on it."

"Ew!"

"And that's not even the worst part."

"Then don't tell me what the worst part is."

Jeff chuckled as he eased onto the road, glancing to Annie.

"You're coming with me from now on."

"Huh?"

"That's not the worst part," Jeff assured her, "I just want you to come to every therapy session with me. Because you're right, I don't have to do this alone and if you weren't there with me yesterday, I might have destroyed that entire house with my bare hands."

Jeff paused.

"I should have actually asked you if you even wanted to."

"I do," Annie placed a reassuring hand on his arm, "you're one of my best friends and I want to see you get better. It might take a little shuffling of my schedule, but I'll make room for your therapy sessions."

Jeff smiled, "Thank you."

"Anytime, Jeff."

They lapsed into a comfortable silence, Jeff feeling lighter than he had in a long while.

"So...what is the worst part?"

"You'll see."


End file.
